I’ve always been a wanderer. I think I get it from my Dad. We moved around a lot when I was growing up, called to one new adventure or another. When I left home, I lived in Poland for a year, and then outback Australia, then 4 more towns and cities before Tim and I settled a little and started having babies. Even then, I dreamed of new adventures, but babies bring with them so much stuff!! No longer could we pack up our house in the back of our car and drive off into the sunset.
Our last move before we settled in Castlemaine, was one of those whimsical adventures calling. A big house in the country, nearby family and friends, space to run around and grow and create. There were so many things that were so wonderful about it, but it wasn’t a long term gig, not for us anyway.
And so we took out a map again and started dreaming. For the first time in our lives, we were picking a place to live just because we needed somewhere to go, and not because we had a job and community inviting us. It was scary and fun. How do you choose where you want to live? We went with a small town, close to cities, a beautiful little school, and a clean slate.
I mentioned in my last post that we moved here full of hope, and were quickly met with our own kind of desert. I took comfort in the old stories of desert experiences that made mine feel normal and ok. But I also doubted our decision. Constantly. Should we have moved back to our old home and Tim’s old job? Should we have moved near my parents? Should we have moved near friends because new ones are so hard to make? These questions have plagued me over the last couple of years.
When I was researching Caraway, an ancient medicinal herb traced back to the stone age, I read that it was used in medieval times to stop chickens from escaping their coops! It was thought that it calmed them and made them want to stay at home. (The same thought was applied to wandering husbands also!) And I wondered, even though it was a funny, silly notion, that there was something in that for me. Rather than forever wondering (and wandering), I could be still. I could rest. Even if it turned out that this wasn’t the best move, I could still be all here. I could go easy on my former self that was just trying her best to do the right thing when she decided to move here. I could be on the look out for things I’m so grateful for. And I could stay, for a while at least, long enough to grow seeds and enjoy the fruit. I wanted to tell myself that it was ok. That just because it was hard, didn’t mean we got it wrong. That good, new things were growing here.
That’s where these little buds came in. They are my choice to stay and plant seeds here. They are my new little shoots, happy and hopeful.
Caraway Quilt is the 2nd quilt in The Seedling Quilts. You can buy the book and the kit here!